March 26, 2011

How to Survive A 12 Hour Plane Trip







Vroom!

1) Do not get a seat outside of a hungover dude. Drunk Dave will want to get up every 30 minutes to get more teeny bottles of alcohol from the back of the plane to make the hangover go away. That is until he finally passes out only to re-awaken at the end of the flight hungover again.
I'm totally reading something really important here... like War and Peace

2) Sit far away from your parents. They will forget that they are both wearing headphones and end up yelling everything they say to each other. This will cause no end of embarrassment for you when the flight attendants compare them to the Costanzas.
I don't know what we're yelling about!!!!

3) Do not be taller than 5'. If you are any taller, the only way to be comfortable is to stick your legs out into the aisle for everyone to trip over since no one will look where they're walking.
I'm very slouchy when I sit for long periods of time.


4) Do not have ADHD. It will result in being unable to hold focus on any book you're reading or movie you're watching for more than 30 seconds.

5) Do not think that you'll be able to sleep without sleeping pills. You know better than to think you can sleep on a plane just because it's such a long trip.

6) Don't get on a broken plane. It will result in sitting on the plane for 3 hours before you are finally forced to de-plane and shuttled off to a hotel for the night after standing in the longest lines ever. Luckily, you brought your laptop with you and the Hyatt you're put up in has free wi-fi so that you can go on Facebook. (I have to admit the room I got all to myself at the Hyatt was pretty freakin' sweet).
No I didn't actually draw this, I applied a Photoshop effect to a photo.

7) Do sit in first-class. Self-explanitory, achieve this by any means necessary including, but not limited to:
Robbing a bank
Counterfitting money
Stealing someone's identity and obtaining a credit card in their name
Pawning everything you own
Selling your organs on the black market
This much hypothetical leg room causes a creepy look on my face.

8) If in doubt, stick to not going anywhere ever.

11 comments :

  1. Oh dear to the delayed flight. At least they put you up in a hotel though! We were flying home one year through Hawaii, and got to spend EIGHT HOURS in the Qantas lounge. It sucked balls. But then they upgraded us to first class, which was pretty awesome.

    It's kind of hard to avoid long haul flights when you live in Austraila - it takes you at least an 8 hour plane flight to get anywhere interesting!!

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  2. You're officially adorable! I hate flying on the best of days. But that's cause I don't think humans were meant to fly. We'd have wings if we were.

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  3. PS. Where were you flying to? Somewhere warm and interesting hopefully!

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  4. I have spent the longest 9 hours on a flight (except we stopped for a 20 min pee break and refuel)on a 2 seater cessna aircraft on the longest cross country ever. With a thunderstorm in the vicinity. After experiencing all that, this seems like a piece of cake :D But yeah when I do travel economy I always ask for the first row seat for extra leg space :)

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  5. haha loved this post :)
    In my last plane ride to Germany this week, the guy next to me was hungover. He called the stewardess and asked her for a bag because he was feeling bad. She gave him the bag which would have belonged to my seat (we both, stewardess and me, looked at each, kind of scared)... and he said to me "oh no, I have your bag! maybe we can share it".
    I said "no thanks" and looked desperately for a different seat anywhere on the plane.
    Haha Long flights can be really quite painful. Anyway, great post - made me laugh a lot! :)

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  6. Haha, I like the comparison of your parents to the Costanzas. Also, the "I love lamp" reference.

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  7. What you meant to say was "I TOTALLY drew this awesome picture of my hotel room! Am I awesome, or what?!" ;)

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  8. @Melbourne: They had to because it was a full flight on a 777 and it had gotten too late to put us on a different flight. Most of the story was when I was flying to Japan, the flight was canceled/delayed when I was flying back. Not cool being stuck alone in a country where you know about 4 words in their language.

    @Kate: Aww thanks!

    @Apfel: That sounds terrible! My parents always wait as long as possible and we end up at the very back of the plane. No bulk head for me :(

    @Katherina: EWWWWWWW

    @Shannon: That really happened! I like to yell I love lamp whenever possible.

    @Stacey: True! But I don't like to lie to you guys :)

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  9. I like the one with the parents. I would say never travel anywhere with my mom because she will proceed to talk to/try to befriend everyone she came in contact with. Which is made worse because her accent is so thick nobody understands her.

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  10. Oh man and I feel so bad when I can't understand her! My parents just don't stop bickering. Oh unless it's to criticize me for whatever they feel like that day.

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  11. Damn, I'm going to Australia in December, it's two flights, one 6.5 hours the other 10.5 .. and there's only two hours between them. And I'm flying alone. It's going to be hell isn't it :p?

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